Before I posted my annual Highlights I wanted to post, not a lowlights exactly, but I want to address the fact that this year was not just sunshine and rainbows.
This summer was really, really rough for me.
June was all right. The first week of July most of my family left for a week on vacation while I stayed home and worked. I did have fun being home alone and deciding for myself where and when I did things, though I was working quite a bit so I didn't have a ton of time to myself. But there were definitely moments I was freaking out, "I can't do this! I need my mom!" :D Work was pretty crazy too. It was hot and everyone wanted ice cream. All. The. Time. They didn't stop coming! We had some new managers who were still getting the hang of things, and that made it more stressful.
My family came home, of course, but things with me got worse. I started getting super depressed and I wanted to quit my job so bad. Or fire me! That way I don't have to make it happen. Cause I didn't want to do anything. It was around this time that I became a trainer at work. I'd wanted to be a trainer almost ever since I'd started at Culver's. But it seemed to come at the worst time, like a cruel joke. I had new responsibilities and everyone was excited for me. "Aren't you excited, Rebekah?" No, actually, I wanna quit. I wanna leave this place and never come back.
But I didn't quit.
I pushed through. I'm not sure how. I'm not sure how I made it through the summer not missing a single shift and managing to do at least a passable job on my worst days. Well, I know how. It wasn't me. God pulled me through. It definitely wasn't me.
And it got better. Sometime in September I started to feel like myself again. I couldn't tell you why the depression comes when it does or how it leaves when it goes. Over the seven years I've dealt with it, I haven't figured that out. I just know that every time it's hit me before, it does leave eventually. I make it through. I'm not going to lie, it's scary. To not know if it might hit me tomorrow, or to wonder how long it will last when I'm in the middle of it. I try to just take it one day at a time. I know it won't last forever. There is always hope.
I don't know what 2020 will bring. But I am hopeful. I know God will bring me through, sunshine or storm clouds, and everything in between.
