Before I posted my annual Highlights I wanted to post, not a lowlights exactly, but I want to address the fact that this year was not just sunshine and rainbows.
This summer was really, really rough for me.
June was all right. The first week of July most of my family left for a week on vacation while I stayed home and worked. I did have fun being home alone and deciding for myself where and when I did things, though I was working quite a bit so I didn't have a ton of time to myself. But there were definitely moments I was freaking out, "I can't do this! I need my mom!" :D Work was pretty crazy too. It was hot and everyone wanted ice cream. All. The. Time. They didn't stop coming! We had some new managers who were still getting the hang of things, and that made it more stressful.
My family came home, of course, but things with me got worse. I started getting super depressed and I wanted to quit my job so bad. Or fire me! That way I don't have to make it happen. Cause I didn't want to do anything. It was around this time that I became a trainer at work. I'd wanted to be a trainer almost ever since I'd started at Culver's. But it seemed to come at the worst time, like a cruel joke. I had new responsibilities and everyone was excited for me. "Aren't you excited, Rebekah?" No, actually, I wanna quit. I wanna leave this place and never come back.
But I didn't quit.
I pushed through. I'm not sure how. I'm not sure how I made it through the summer not missing a single shift and managing to do at least a passable job on my worst days. Well, I know how. It wasn't me. God pulled me through. It definitely wasn't me.
And it got better. Sometime in September I started to feel like myself again. I couldn't tell you why the depression comes when it does or how it leaves when it goes. Over the seven years I've dealt with it, I haven't figured that out. I just know that every time it's hit me before, it does leave eventually. I make it through. I'm not going to lie, it's scary. To not know if it might hit me tomorrow, or to wonder how long it will last when I'm in the middle of it. I try to just take it one day at a time. I know it won't last forever. There is always hope.
I don't know what 2020 will bring. But I am hopeful. I know God will bring me through, sunshine or storm clouds, and everything in between.
Tuesday, December 31, 2019
Monday, April 15, 2019
Life Lately
(I had this whole post written up and all these pictures and hit undo one too many times and lost. the. whole. thing. Hopefully, I can rewrite it and get the same basic points across-without it being filled with rage. Now, I did accidentally delete it right after I was telling a story about my road rage the other day so maybe I got what I deserved. Maybe this was my consequence for driving aggressively.)
It's been so long since I wrote about normal old life. It's very different than it was a few years ago, at least for me. I've hit my 9 month anniversary at Culver's, and moved up to 30 hours a week, though the schedule hasn't quite caught up yet. Wait, I think maybe this week is my first regular week at 30 hours. There was one week where I worked that many because some people were gone, but it wasn't normal. I just checked the schedule; I'm still at 25 for this week. I still have to work Thursday, which is when my family's having Passover, and Good Friday, which is one of my favorite services. :'( I'm trying to have a good attitude about it. Today is my last day off until Easter, but they're all pretty short shifts so it's not too bad. In other work news, I passed my drive-thru certification a couple weeks ago. Now I just need to get my custard certification before I have my trainer's assessment. They've been talking about me becoming a trainer for months now and I'm finally feeling ready for it. I think I'm mostly looking forward to getting a specially-printed Team Trainer name tag. Maybe more than the raise, haha.
Besides work, I'm still helping out at our homeschool co-op. Or rather, I was, since the semester ended last week. Though I'm sort of more of a student than an assistant. I was a student in two out of the three class times this past year; High School Bible and Economics. And Economics ended early so I got to join in on the last few weeks of Classic Lit that Mom taught. We read Pride and Prejudice! It was nice to read it over the course of a semester and take it in slowly. I've read it around five times, but usually over a few days or a week. And to talk about it for a class time? Or several class times? It was amazing!! I'm not sure what the other kids thought, but I LOVED it. Last semester, I helped the preschool nature class, which was super fun. At that age, you never know what's going to happen or what they will say, and while it can be stressful, it's also exciting. :) This semester, I sat in on the elementary/middle school art class, which was also really cool. There's talk of a high school art class next year, and I'm hoping for it...
One of the main reasons I wanted to write this post, which I originally started a few weeks ago, was because I was thinking about how family dynamics change over the years. At one point, we were an all-or-nothing family, mostly out of necessity, I'm sure. Either we all did something or none of us did. It's been many years since that was true, and I've gotten used to Stephen and Josiah being gone and Katherine, Johnathan, and I having busier schedules and not being around all the time. It's normal now for several people to be missing at any given time. Now it's strange and special when we are all together. But the other night I came home from work and found everyone watching Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. And by everyone, I mean, Dad, Mom, Katherine, Kristian, Julia, and Joseph. Stephen's off at school in Chicago, of course, and Josiah's livin' it up in the city. (Haha, actually, livin' as a starving artist. OK, not starving. Just a super-cool artist.) I don't know where Johnathan was that night, maybe he was just in his room or the garage or something. But Anna was off with friends watching and/or playing volleyball, and Mary Ann and Grandt were babysitting. I was used to Katherine and Johnathan being out and about, but not the next three. When did they become old enough to go hang out with friends by themselves or babysit children?!? And it's a good thing! We were all created to grow up and become our own people. It just kinda hits me sometimes, and it feels strange. It feels strange that things that used to be strange...just aren't strange anymore!
I love that we're all growing and changing and becoming the people God made us to be! It's exciting and beautiful, but definitely bittersweet too.
It's been so long since I wrote about normal old life. It's very different than it was a few years ago, at least for me. I've hit my 9 month anniversary at Culver's, and moved up to 30 hours a week, though the schedule hasn't quite caught up yet. Wait, I think maybe this week is my first regular week at 30 hours. There was one week where I worked that many because some people were gone, but it wasn't normal. I just checked the schedule; I'm still at 25 for this week. I still have to work Thursday, which is when my family's having Passover, and Good Friday, which is one of my favorite services. :'( I'm trying to have a good attitude about it. Today is my last day off until Easter, but they're all pretty short shifts so it's not too bad. In other work news, I passed my drive-thru certification a couple weeks ago. Now I just need to get my custard certification before I have my trainer's assessment. They've been talking about me becoming a trainer for months now and I'm finally feeling ready for it. I think I'm mostly looking forward to getting a specially-printed Team Trainer name tag. Maybe more than the raise, haha.
Besides work, I'm still helping out at our homeschool co-op. Or rather, I was, since the semester ended last week. Though I'm sort of more of a student than an assistant. I was a student in two out of the three class times this past year; High School Bible and Economics. And Economics ended early so I got to join in on the last few weeks of Classic Lit that Mom taught. We read Pride and Prejudice! It was nice to read it over the course of a semester and take it in slowly. I've read it around five times, but usually over a few days or a week. And to talk about it for a class time? Or several class times? It was amazing!! I'm not sure what the other kids thought, but I LOVED it. Last semester, I helped the preschool nature class, which was super fun. At that age, you never know what's going to happen or what they will say, and while it can be stressful, it's also exciting. :) This semester, I sat in on the elementary/middle school art class, which was also really cool. There's talk of a high school art class next year, and I'm hoping for it...
One of the main reasons I wanted to write this post, which I originally started a few weeks ago, was because I was thinking about how family dynamics change over the years. At one point, we were an all-or-nothing family, mostly out of necessity, I'm sure. Either we all did something or none of us did. It's been many years since that was true, and I've gotten used to Stephen and Josiah being gone and Katherine, Johnathan, and I having busier schedules and not being around all the time. It's normal now for several people to be missing at any given time. Now it's strange and special when we are all together. But the other night I came home from work and found everyone watching Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. And by everyone, I mean, Dad, Mom, Katherine, Kristian, Julia, and Joseph. Stephen's off at school in Chicago, of course, and Josiah's livin' it up in the city. (Haha, actually, livin' as a starving artist. OK, not starving. Just a super-cool artist.) I don't know where Johnathan was that night, maybe he was just in his room or the garage or something. But Anna was off with friends watching and/or playing volleyball, and Mary Ann and Grandt were babysitting. I was used to Katherine and Johnathan being out and about, but not the next three. When did they become old enough to go hang out with friends by themselves or babysit children?!? And it's a good thing! We were all created to grow up and become our own people. It just kinda hits me sometimes, and it feels strange. It feels strange that things that used to be strange...just aren't strange anymore!
I love that we're all growing and changing and becoming the people God made us to be! It's exciting and beautiful, but definitely bittersweet too.
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| The Father Daughter Banquet two weeks ago. I think this was actually the night before I was having all these thoughts. :) |
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| Johnathan had a Jimmy John's gift card and offered to buy a sandwich for someone if they would buy bubble tea (or froyo) for him. We have a new bubble tea/froyo place in town and I have been there an embarrassing amount of times in the last few weeks. |
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| We flew Kaitlyn out during spring break to belatedly surprise Anna for her 16th birthday. This picture was taken in the overly girly bathroom at the American Girl Place. In terms of the rest of the store, though? I was a little kid again... |
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| Josiah playing piano at Aunt Juanita's building. I really like the juxtaposition of this picture. |
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| Great Grandma White and Joseph. It's crazy to think of the 93-year age difference here. |
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| When "everyone" went to see The Lego Movie 2. Super great movie, btw. :D |
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| Josiah and I at the Shedd. |
Tuesday, April 2, 2019
Mountains, Gandalf!! (With Pictures)
(I've had this in my drafts for so long cause I wanted to add even more pictures, but I thought I'd post these today and maybe another time I'll add more.)
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| I squealed so hard when I saw the mountains in the distance. |
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